Sexism Rant and Questions Galore

I am on the top edge of being sore, achy and cranky. This weekend was intense; I worked out way too much on Sunday, and tonight we'll probably be helping our new neighbors (!!) move in. They actually got in last night, but it was just to late to more (11PM) so we'll do what's left this evening when we get home from work. shingan pointed out last night that we've moved into the same apartment three times, once for ourselves (the three of us), once for the two local friends moving in, and now the two non-local friends moving in. And they have so much stuff!!! At least I'll get a workout, ne?

[rant]
I have started to unravel the heart of a conundrum that occupies some regular thought. For the last several years I've greatly resented the singularization of masculinity and femininity in all men and all women respectively. I've noticed this in particular in my current job, which is as male dominated as my last jobs were female dominated. In part my resentment is a factor of how much and yet how little I fit the characteristics, and in part my resentment is influenced by how members of one gender will give up on trying to understand another gender on the basis of these stereotypes. The most basic stereotype is the Mars/Venus bullshit. Men are for war and violence and women are for love and compassion.

I have a girlish dislike for violence; I'm the one who sits at the end of the row, eyes shut half the time, flinching when guns are fired or blood splatters. Sometimes. I love a good kung foo fight, however, and I'm fascinated by the trajectory of bullets through bone and brain matter. The Matrix is one of my favorite movies, especially when they storm the office building and rip the entrance apart via bullets. I was accused, when I was younger, of reacting as strongly as I do to get attention and that's likely at least a part of the reason why I do (people hold my hand then). Another aspect is mood; I am more fragile at some times than others (for instance, if I've had a really pissy day and want to slaughter someone, violent movies can be a good thing). A third aspect is the gore quotient; I am not a fan of ripped flesh and broken bones sticking cleanly through a mass of ruined muscle and ligament (hence why dissecting a frog didn't gross me out, but dissecting owl pellets did). A final aspect is my identification with the characters in the movie and subsequent reacting as if I were them at crucial times. The final is the most important, in my opinion, but I do have an interest in maintaining my dignity, which the first aspect doesn't truly allow for.

I have a girlish dislike for violence that could be viewed as a traditionally feminine thing. I know that most of the people in my acquaintance find it either 'cute' or 'annoying.' I frequently have people intervene to have me face up to the harsh realities of the world and the fact that violence happens. Most people seem to view my abhorrence for casual, entertainment geared violence as childish and silly given today's standards. It is also a very stereotypically feminine thing - I'm not known as the girly girl of my group of friends for nothing - but the root of it isn't the stereotypically weak female refusal to face the world. Instead, the root of it is the feminine self-identification with the other. It would be nice if this could be recognized as a strength as well as a weakness outside of my own mind, but I believe that is unrealistic.

This identification with the other, however, does not remove the impulse of violence in the way that the stereotypes seem to imply it should. Women are less aggressive than men biologically. This does not preclude, however, any given woman who is more aggressive than any given man, nor does it prevent a woman from being violent. I was violent as pre-teen and teenager. Most of my violence was self directed - for example slamming my fist into a stone wall as hard as I could - but a select amount was other-focused - for example slamming a locker door shut inches from the faces and hands of some of the girls teasing me when they had me surrounded. I realized that this propensity for violence was not a good thing when I listened to my father gloating about throwing a kid half his size into a wall and identified with my father. Upon the realization that I was disgusted by what I identified with, I vowed to change. At least some of my identification with the victims of the violence is a result of that realization; I identify with the victim so that I will not become the victimizer.

I am not denying that, as a whole, men are more aggressive and violent than women as a whole. I just with the 'as a whole' would be included. One of the most common and most false heuristics is that each individual in a group conforms to the norms of that group. The majority of the group members conform to the majority of the norms, but I doubt there's a single woman out there who conforms to all of the norms and there are several who conform to hardly any of the norms. To believe that if one knows the stereotypes one can understand any individual is lazy thinking and, I think, prevents many people from actually forming intimate, lasting relationship with other people, whether those other people happen to be male or female.
[/rant]

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Swiped from my dear friend s1ncer1ty. ( s1ncer1ty's survey )