The Twink Meter

*points* I like him. He has inspired me to start my Fluffy Quotient. The Fluffy Quotient is a numerological way to define when I start writing off what another individual is saying. In every religion, some morons must float, and over the years I've developed a technique for sniffing out the fluffiest ones and ignoring them. This can also work for determining if a book or author is reputable. Additions will be gratefully accepted if I agree with you.

(18:11 6 Nov.) To clarify you aren't a total twink until you go under zero, so don't think I'll hate you if your name is Amethyst Snake-butt but you're otherwise really cool.

The Fluffy Quotient for Pagans (a.k.a. The Twink Meter)
Each individual starts with 10 points

-1 for every natural object name (e.g. animal, mineral, jewel) in the person's public name (what they introduce themselves as or are published as)
+2 for every scholarly book owned and read
-3 if the individual claims a family tradition going back more than two generations
-1 for every "trendy" animal guide (e.g. wolf, panther, raven, etc...)
+2 for unusual but viable animal guide (e.g. catfish, frog, swan, etc...)
-2 for any mention of "The Burning Times"
-1 for every famous past life
+1 for every normal or boring past life
-2 if the individual claims all goddesses are triune and associated with the moon
-2 if individual claims all gods are sacrificial kings
-2 for references to Atlantis, Aliens, or Fiction as a source for religious practices (yes, CAW* counts)
-1 for every commonly known aspect of the individual's tradition's practice that the individual is unaware of (significance of the sun in Egyptian mythology for a Kemet, significance of the number nine in Norse mythology for an AsatruaR, etc...)
+3 if individual admits to not knowing everything
+1 if personal beliefs not supported by literature are specifically mentioned as unsupported
+1 if individual refers to a scholarly work or historical document
-5 if individual is fighting a great evil /conspiracy / etc...
-1 if 'mundanes' is used as an insult (i.e. 'Don't go there, it's filled with mundanes.')
-1 for every time individual insults a member of another religion
+1 if individual has successfully run a religious gathering
+2 if individual has successfully run several religious gatherings
+5 if individual regularly (more than ten a year) runs religious gatherings
-1 for every large piece of jewelry identifying an individual's religion
+1 if individual holds down a job, maintains a passing GPA in school, or is a stay-at-home parent
-1 every time individual mentions religion or advanced religious knowledge in the hearing of many people when no one has asked or is paying attention
-1 if individual is dedicated to a 'kind' or 'gentle' death or war deity (e.g. Kali, Hecate, Ma'at, Morrigan, etc...)
-5 if person has more animal guides or enlightened masters than digits in bank account
+1 for every question asked about another religion
-1 if individual engages in the 'it is a religion / no it's not a religion' debate
-1 if spirit (or grace, or other intangible) moves individual to do things
-1 for every claim that the individual knows another religion better than a practitioner of that religion does (individual must not be of the same religion as the practitioner)
-3 it individual equates trickster deities with Satan and/or who believes that following a trickster is an excuse to have no ethics (thanks cheshire23!)
-10 if individual believes an Authentic Crystal Skull will bring the individual Images of the Ending Times and that this is something that should be valued and paid for

cheshire23's additions
-1 for every change to the commonly accepted spelling or capitalization of a given term. (e.g. "majik", "womyn", "ov", "phaerie", etc...) [Ed. I would include 'magick' on this list, but others may not.]
-2 for casting a spell and/or praying about a given situation and then doing NOTHING else to change that situation more to your liking.
-2 for being a bisexual, polyamorous, vegetarian Pagan who thinks that anyone who is one of those things should automatically be ALL of those things, and that once the world achieves True Enlightenment EVERYONE will be all of those things.
-4 for including pets (oh, sorry, I mean "animal companions" of course) in this by purchasing vegetarian dog and cat food. *grr*
-3 for "spells, spells and more spells." (I'm not sure how to explain that one more coherently, but I'm sure you understand...)
-5 if a love spell is involved in any way, shape or form.
automatic -10 for those men who talk about "the Goddess in every woman" just so they can get into some women themselves. (I had an ex like this, and I'm bitter, what can I say?)
+1 for being an honor student, or for holding the SAME job for more than two years. (Over the +1 for has job or acceptable GPA or is stay-at-home parent)
+1 if the job is not a stereotypically "freak"-friendly job but is in reasonable keeping with the person's ethics.
+1 for one or two subtle, small pieces of jewelry that don't scream "LOOK AT ME! I'M A WITCH!" but are nevertheless meaningful to someone who knows what to look for.
+2 for respectfully disagreeing with a person's statement without attacking the person.
+2 for knowing when to walk away from a "discussion"...and doing so without fanfare.

If you go below zero, I reserve the right to ignore you completely.

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*CAW: Church of All Worlds; it's a religion based off of Heinlein's books. I love you guys dearly, but it is a work of fiction.