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Self-esteem vs. Self-improvement
Nov. 16th, 2003 08:53 amThis morning, I read a post from an individual in a public community asking for a deity to use to improve self-esteem and promote self-acceptance and self-love. This was referred to as 'self-improvement' and brought one of my pet peeves to the forefront.
Liking yourself when you're pathetic is delusion, not high self-esteem.
Now, each person has to decide what 'pathetic' is and is not, but frequently if you have low self-esteem you know why. And frequently, when you have low self-esteem, there's a reason for it. If doing one chore, or working for a week, or sending out five resumes is your exhausting work for the day, chances are you have low self-esteem. Convincing yourself that it's wonderful of you to do simply all of the above and people should get off your back is where the delusion comes in.
For Odin's sake have some fucking standards.
In my opinion, self-esteem isn't worth much unless you are attempting to accomplish or accomplishing valuable goals. What those goals are doesn't much matter in the greater scheme of things (though a goal of killing people more effectively would be ill advised) but having goals is important. Chose the thing or two that you most want to improve in yourself, find someone or several someones who are better at it than you are, watch them for a while to learn how they do it, then attempt to emulate them. Via the emulation you will improve yourself, which will lead to higher self-esteem since there's something to esteem now. If this all seems like a lot, choose an easy goal like 'I want to learn how to cook this dish' or 'I want to complete with craft' or 'I want to spend time helping people in need.' For the first, recipes. For the second, get a kit. For the third, volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen.
Nine months ago I made a goal to become more logical and able to carry on a debate without becoming emotionally involved. I spent the first part of it reading pages where people were debating, and learning some of the terms for faulty logic in debate (slippery slope, ad hominem attack, etc...). I've now moved on to participating in debates that other people have started, and putting up proto-debates in my livejournal. It's time consuming, and somewhat exhausting, but I can have a certain amount of pride in myself for accomplishing a rather complex goal.
A couple of years ago, I decided on a goal of becoming healthier. I invested in exercise tapes and free weights because my previous gym stints hadn't worked well. I read up on eating healthy and started to make small changes. I then read up about the Kappa Diet and made huge changes, many of which are still reverberating through my tastes and food choices. Do I maintain the diet every day? Hell no. I have the self-discipline of a slug and the will power of a butterfly. Do I try? Hell yes. Every day I renew my dedication to myself; when I fail, I feel bad (except for the times I feel idiotically self-righteous). When I succeed, I feel good, and frequently my body does too. Is it working? Yes. Perhaps not as quickly as I would like, but let me tell you - abs are a wonderful thing to have, and I am so loving my biceps right now.
Self-esteem is useless if you're being proud of yourself for accomplishing nothing. Liking yourself isn't the state you start in, it's the state you work toward. I bitch and moan as much as anyone else, but I keep it to myself because I have no room to complain; there are thousands of people out there who have it much, much worse than I do. As you begin to accomplish bits of your final goal, then acknowledge and celebrate it, but for Odin's sake (and the sake of all the other put-upon gods) at least put some effort into it.
Liking yourself when you're pathetic is delusion, not high self-esteem.
Now, each person has to decide what 'pathetic' is and is not, but frequently if you have low self-esteem you know why. And frequently, when you have low self-esteem, there's a reason for it. If doing one chore, or working for a week, or sending out five resumes is your exhausting work for the day, chances are you have low self-esteem. Convincing yourself that it's wonderful of you to do simply all of the above and people should get off your back is where the delusion comes in.
For Odin's sake have some fucking standards.
In my opinion, self-esteem isn't worth much unless you are attempting to accomplish or accomplishing valuable goals. What those goals are doesn't much matter in the greater scheme of things (though a goal of killing people more effectively would be ill advised) but having goals is important. Chose the thing or two that you most want to improve in yourself, find someone or several someones who are better at it than you are, watch them for a while to learn how they do it, then attempt to emulate them. Via the emulation you will improve yourself, which will lead to higher self-esteem since there's something to esteem now. If this all seems like a lot, choose an easy goal like 'I want to learn how to cook this dish' or 'I want to complete with craft' or 'I want to spend time helping people in need.' For the first, recipes. For the second, get a kit. For the third, volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen.
Nine months ago I made a goal to become more logical and able to carry on a debate without becoming emotionally involved. I spent the first part of it reading pages where people were debating, and learning some of the terms for faulty logic in debate (slippery slope, ad hominem attack, etc...). I've now moved on to participating in debates that other people have started, and putting up proto-debates in my livejournal. It's time consuming, and somewhat exhausting, but I can have a certain amount of pride in myself for accomplishing a rather complex goal.
A couple of years ago, I decided on a goal of becoming healthier. I invested in exercise tapes and free weights because my previous gym stints hadn't worked well. I read up on eating healthy and started to make small changes. I then read up about the Kappa Diet and made huge changes, many of which are still reverberating through my tastes and food choices. Do I maintain the diet every day? Hell no. I have the self-discipline of a slug and the will power of a butterfly. Do I try? Hell yes. Every day I renew my dedication to myself; when I fail, I feel bad (except for the times I feel idiotically self-righteous). When I succeed, I feel good, and frequently my body does too. Is it working? Yes. Perhaps not as quickly as I would like, but let me tell you - abs are a wonderful thing to have, and I am so loving my biceps right now.
Self-esteem is useless if you're being proud of yourself for accomplishing nothing. Liking yourself isn't the state you start in, it's the state you work toward. I bitch and moan as much as anyone else, but I keep it to myself because I have no room to complain; there are thousands of people out there who have it much, much worse than I do. As you begin to accomplish bits of your final goal, then acknowledge and celebrate it, but for Odin's sake (and the sake of all the other put-upon gods) at least put some effort into it.
