Teh Gay vs. Teh Sex

[deoridhe]

Today constitutes an experiment. A few days ago I posted about teh gay and teh sex; I realized afterward that it could be teh sex that attracted all of the quick comments, so today I have a long treatise on teh sex in order to test this hypothesis. If you all post a lot, I will erroneously conclude that teh sex causes you all to write on the internet. Since we all know this is true, post soon and post often!

Single Skeptics: "While many do dream of the perfect white dress, lots of women have other things on their mind. With their own wage packets, wide circle of friends and hectic social lives, for women the single life has never been more attractive."

This whole thing taps into a pet peeve or mine, so I'm going to indulge a little. What's wrong with wanting to stay single??? Did I miss the day when girls had to sign the "I want a fairytale wedding with a huge white dress, a twenty carat diamond engagement ring, 2.4 kids, and a good provider" contract? Now I will admit to several wistful dreams of future marriage and love, not to mention future children, but I'm not living my life geared toward picking up the things "necessary" to do so - namely, a husband. If I marry someone, I want it to be because he makes my life better, richer, and more rewarding. I want him to be someone I enjoy spending time with, who I agree with on the most important things and can get into loud arguments with him over the rest, who has a life separate from mine but wants to share in what I have and let me share what he has. This is, perhaps, a little demanding and I'm always aware of the fact that there's a high likelihood I won't get it, however I refuse to date men so I can look for a fictional "one" who will make my dreams come true. Prince Charming lost my address, and I didn't feel like sleeping a hundred years to meet him anyway. I prefer comfortable three inch boot heels to glass slippers any day. I'm not into wearing nothing but fur and working in a kitchen in the hopes that some day the king of the castle will throw a ball where I can miraculously be more beautiful than any other woman here. I'm not holding my breath, thank you.

Somehow, though, there is a contingent of society that seems to think this is somehow horrifically abnormal. After all, I'm female. My job is to find a man and browbeat him past his commitment phobia in order to get hitched. If he yells at me, hates me, or beats me afterward that's okay, 'cause at least I got him! Fuck that. If I have to handcuff my significant other to a post by the officiant in order to have him marry me, then I don't want him. I have been single now for seven years (my anniversary of Lucius and I parting ways is actually coming up), and in terms of relationship "experience" I'm still a neophyte. I've had three. The first was messy, if educational; 'Days of Our Lives' holds nothing on me. The second I won't get into here for various reasons. The third was also very educational, but ultimately limiting for who I wanted to be (not to mention difficult in the short term given what I was coping with - Diana's death). I'm blessed in that I'm still friends with two out of three (Hi Ace and Lucius!) and on decent terms with the last (Hi Trev!), and I want to keep that ratio up, to be honest. I've date, off and on, about four or five people that I was never in official "relationships*" with, and while each was enjoyable in his own way, there were none that I simply 'clicked' with. I am single out of choice; there is stuff I need to figure out about myself and how I deal with other people and I simply can't do that as half of a partnership with any of the people in the offing right now. These are the days I wish I was fully bi; double the possibilities, damnit.

If this makes me 'commitment-phobic,' then so be it. I think it makes me smart.

*read: just you and me for the kissing and the fondling of bits.

--On a similar note, Queen's University in Belfast replicated a 1997 British longitudinal study that correlated number of orgasms with health in men. The population studied is middle aged men; one hopes studies on other populations will be forthcoming (including, oh I don't know, women?). However, men, don't get too excited; unlike women, other studies have found you can have too much sex.

* * *

The Other People, an anti-Chick tract. And since I'm linking to tracts, here are Chick's Tracts. Interestingly, Chick encourages you to print out his tracts and spread them far and wide, but the pagans want to get paid for making the tracts. Eeeeeeeenteresting.

Jet Blue may pimp out their customers to the government, but at least their hold music is nice. Unfortunately, their hold "pithy comments" are annoying. Being on hold is like being held by a significant other my ass.

The government is sending out official letters about how well things are going in Iraq. Unfortunately, they decided to sign them with the names and signatures of actual soldiers, hoping no one would notice that the content is the same. Are they smart enough to be leading us? They're getting pretty damn dumb.

My co-worker came past an attempted to tape me to my desk and the phone while I was trying to transfer someone to the person they called for. I was hard pressed to not laugh aloud over the phone. G.!!! I hate you! If only you didn't make me laugh so much!

This is oddly appropriate.

Jane Eyre from Charlotte Bronte's novel of the same
name.


Which Heroine of Victorian Fiction Are You?
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Comments

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

I recently had someone tell me that if I wanted to find someone to spend time with, I needed to cut my hair, act my age, and give off the "drives an SUV in the suburbs" vibe.

I think this is the male version of what you're ranting about.

Nooooooooooooo!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

Please don't cut your hair unless it's long and ratty! I and other long-hair-lovin' girls will thank you. ;) My ex trimmed his hair a couple of years ago, and his current gf and I still fondly remember how he looked with longer hair. I was once told I should shave my legs. Little did they know I was dating someone who didn't like shaved legs, hence the not shaving.

That is definitly the male version of this rant, though far shorter and less vehement.

*shrugs*

[dymeera.livejournal.com]

No one says you have to fall into that stereotype. Sure, we all wish for our own 'happily ever after', but you know, it doesn't mean we all have to sit and wait for it.

I should hush now.

Re: *shrugs*

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

No, don't hush, that's exactly what the rant was about! I'm not doing any of those things, but I'm pissed at a world that still pressures you to fulfull it even though you end up in horrible situations. It's a fucked up system based on a lie.

You're You.. and we like that! :)

[learan.livejournal.com]

Stereo-types are a way for society to make us all believe we are not good people because we are not what we /should/ be. The 'white picket fence' dream is /not/ for everyone. It is in the same way that what scares every person, in their nightmares, is never the same to someone else. Dreams are the same way. 'Good' and 'Right' are all relative terms.. relative to the people who are attempting to feel those emotions.
You are a wonderful person and a person who can give you /your/ impression of 'happily ever after' will be one lucky guy.
I can relate to feeling okay about being single though, I didn't think I could've, but after dodging (a form of) 'the bullet' I realize that the whole thing may not have been all I thought it was cracked up to be.
About being not fully bi.. well.. if I thought it'd help I would tell you about what you're missin'! ;) But, I don't believe people can really change their preferences (they have a predisposition to them, in my opinion, and if/how/when they figure out their way to be is all dependent on their environment and ability to handle that sort've thing). One of my favorite quotes is from 'Chasing Amy'.. *paraphrasing* she says that she just didn't want to limit her possibilities for having a soulmate by their gender.. I think that makes a lot of sense, but I can also understand how not every person could feel that way.. you can't /force/ attraction. I will just say that us girls who /do/ like girls are mightily sad that you aren't amongst us :) We need all the good people we can get, and you more than qualify! *plus you're /adorable/!!* ;-)
Be happy with you.. you're awesome, and your ideals are right on target if you ask me. :)

Re: You're You.. and we like that! :)

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

*pokes you* This was not a plea for reassurance, silly. Thanks, though, but utterly unnecessary.

As for "one lucky guy," I don't believe that. I don't believe in "true love" in the sense of their being one person for you that you mesh with perfectly. I can't afford to; if there is just one person she was the wrong gender, she wasn't attracted to me that way any more than I was attracted to her, and she's dead. I think there is a small set of guys I would be compatible with, now I just have to meet one of them. If I'm lucky, I meet two, and they like each other, and... well... never mind. Too much yaoi. ;)

Re: You're You.. and we like that! :)

[learan.livejournal.com]

I know you weren't fishing for compliments, honey, but I don't recall needing to have a reason to tell you that you're the bomb! *blows raspberries at you.. lots of them* So there.

I didn't mean 'lucky guy' in terms of true love, one person for everyone, can't live without you because you're now a part of me kind've lucky guy. I just meant I /personally/ believe that any guy that would be in your life (the same as I believe all the people in your life) is/would be lucky to have you there. You misunderstand me so much sometimes, hon. :)
Yow.. yaoi.. nuuuuuuff said!

Re: You're You.. and we like that! :)

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I'm really jumping to a lot of concusions. Bad Deo! No cookie! ;)

Re: You're You.. and we like that! :)

[learan.livejournal.com]

Eh, I can find it in my heart to forgive you this time.. but NEXT TIME..!.. I will forgive you again :) *hugs*

Re: You're You.. and we like that! :)

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

You're such a sucker for me. ;)

Of course, since I am your big sister, it's not like you can defy me or anything. Odin, I love being a big sis! The hours and hours of torment and torture allowed!

[lightningrose.livejournal.com]

Huh. And here I thought you liked the handcuffs. Although the scenario in front of the judge is a tad on the kink side. (LOL!)

As to whether its possible for men to have too much sex -- well -- dredging out a _very_ old joke:

A reporter is interviewing an Israeli sergeant for a segment on women in the military. He asks her marital status and she replies "widow."

"I'm sorry," the reporter says "was your husband killed in the conflict with the Palestinians?"

"No. He died of venerial disease."

The reporter is somewhat startled. "Is that fatal?"

"It is if you give it to me."

Handcuffs!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

I never said I didn't like handcuffs, but they're inappropriate to use to force someone else to get hitched to you. It's simply not sporting if your fiance can't run away if he wants to.

Now, of course, after one is hitched, or simply for entertainment value, handcuffs are fiiiiiiiiiiine.

more serious reply to the commitment rant...

[lightningrose.livejournal.com]

There are wonderful things about being in commited relationships. There are sucky things about being in committed relationships. They are work (if we had a nickel over every kitchen-related quarrel -- aka whose turn to do what -- lets just say the dishes, and a great deal of the kitchen, could be nickle-plated) and involve a lot of compromise. (There is an internship in D.C. I want to apply for so badly that my teeth hurt, but I will noit do so, because it would involve leaving my spouse for a year.) I think the important thing is not to let the romanticized version overwhelm the reality. As long as you surround yourself with people you love -- people who, ultimately, make you try to be better than who you are -- I think you have the keys to happiness. If you also find someone who meets that criteria with whom you enjoy exchanging bodily fluids, well, bonus.

I know Diana was a big influence on both of us when it comes to love. She was special; I can't think of anyone else who was that good at that task of being human. And I think a great part of that was because of how she loved the people around her that she felt were worthy of that love -- openly, freely, and without a desire to change them (although she had a way of teaching by example that made you want to be a better person). [I still feel vaguely sorry for that boyfriend of hers at Alfred -- he never learned that and beyond that wanted her to change so she could be ALL HIS. I hope he at some point matured into a less selfish little slug.] I know one of the major things that she taught me is that that WAS love -- and the infatuations I was letting "break my heart" really weren't. After that lesson finally absorbed, I was able to find a partner who met those standards, and I feel fortunate for that. But I feel even more fortunate that I had the chance to learn the lesson at all.

I guess the other person who taught me on this subject was my grandmother. My mom and I were talking about her, and her relationship with my grandfather (very influenced by the time, she endured his attempts to squash her spirit and his infidelity because divorce was so scandalous -- and finally did divorce him in the early 1970s. She flowered in her last decade, becoming more openly political and openly herself). I mentioned that I thought it was too bad she couldn't have left Grandpa long enough before her death that she could have found someone. Mom replied that the love of Granny's life was her twin sister, and in that discussion I realized that its our society that puts the distorted emphasis on romantic love -- love is love, and in the end it's what we take from it that matters. Granny had a full, riotous life through the love of her family and her path towards self-discovery.

There's a lot of different ways to be happy. I affirm whichever one brings you joy. Handcuffs and all. :)

Re: more serious reply to the commitment rant...

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

I would love to make some sort of heartfelt and intelligent reply to this, but I can't. You floored me.

Thanks, sweetie.

[lapis-lazuli.livejournal.com]

*grin*

I wandered over from cowboy_r's journal, and just wanted to say hi. I like the way you think, and the way you write.

Welcome!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

Welcome! Welcome! The more the merrier.

Re: Welcome!

[lapis-lazuli.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you!

BTW, your excellent rants (this one, and your feminist post a few entries back) made me think of this post (http://www.livejournal.com/users/fabulist/181138.html), which you might enjoy taking a peek at.

Re: Welcome!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

I even felt called to post. Thanks for the link. I've never heard that phenomenon from the other side before; it's disturbingly familiar.